Or the VSO Internally Displaced Person would be more accurate. So I have a new placement. I started on Monday. And I am very excited. Anyone who knows me well knows how bad I am at not being gainfully employed. I need to be continually occupied or I am beyond irritating. The past few weeks have therefore been somewhat of a challenge. Thankfully I had the joy of moving into a flat that needed a clean. I clean when I am stressed. Actually that’s an understatement, I clean all the time. But I clean even more when I am stressed. I don’t think I have ever spent so many hours cleaning. VSO also took pity on me and gave me ‘tasks’ to do. I’m fairly certain these were just attempts at keeping me occupied so that I didn’t try to flee the country. Not that I could have done, I don’t even have my passport. But I was grateful nonetheless. I also spent a great deal of time at the VSO office making use of their internet and drinking endless cups of tea. Although having discovered the British Village this weekend, I am kicking myself for not having taken more advantage of it during the past three weeks. There is a pool that VSO’s can use for free. And not just that, there’s a bar that serves cocktails, and food that contains CHEESE. I might move in there and see if anyone notices.
Another volunteer came into the VSO office the other day and asked me where I was living now I’m in Abuja. I told her, and she looked less than impressed. I was very confused, given it is one hundred times better than where I was living before. Apparently whenever any volunteers come to stay in Abuja they ask to not be put in what is now my new home. And yet for me, it’s heaven. It seems that my standards are even lower than I had previously thought. I think the trick is to ensure that my expectations are at such a low level that there is never room for me to be disappointed. This coping mechanism has definitely helped to go some way towards stopping me jumping on the first flight home in the past few weeks. Quite a few people have asked me why I’ve stayed. And if I’m honest the thought of going home was definitely tempting at one stage. And at times it seemed like it might be the best thing for me to do. But I do not want the past 6 months to be the outcome of my VSO placement. And more importantly, I do not want the past 6 months to be the way I remember Nigeria. So, I decided to stick with it. And after now starting a new placement, I’m very glad I made that decision.
Despite having just said how much I like my new home, there is one thing about it that makes me very sad. There’s a monkey tied up outside on a piece of rope the length of my arm. Quite often I watch him trying desperately to get food that has been thrown to him and is just outside his grasp. It breaks my heart and I cannot understand how anybody could be so cruel. He spends most of his days just sat on the ground drawing in the dirt. I’m trying to think of something I can do to make it better but as yet I haven’t been able to come up with anything. If I go down to him then his owners would definitely see me. And I’m not entirely sure about what I’d do when I got to him. Whilst it would make me feel better to cuddle him, or smuggle him into my room, I’m not convinced that is something that would fix his life right now.
I got asked if I was a vegetarian the other day. Apparently I ‘look like one’. What does a vegetarian look like? ‘No meat’, ‘pale’ and ‘a sunken stomach’ were the responses I received. Great. I am definitely in the wrong country - that same night I was in a bar with a live band, and one of the women singing was what people here describe as ‘well endowed’. At home she would be described as curvy! And the song she was singing was about just how ‘endowed’ she was. And everyone loved it. The men were clearly enjoying the song (and more likely her dancing) and women who were equally as well ‘endowed’ all came and joined her. It was a refreshing change from being at home, where there is the constantly unhealthy obsession with people wanting to be thinner. The only slight downside was I left feeling like even more of a ‘vegetarian’ - I definitely do not have what would be described as an African figure. I need to start eating more groundnuts and avocadoes I think.
And finally, to continue with my constant attempts to be positive about my new placement, here are some more good things about being in Abuja:
1. My internet connection is much much faster here. I can upload photos and do video Skype without wanting to throw my laptop out the window. I can also listen to Radio 1 live. People who know how much I love Chris Moyles will appreciate how happy this makes me.
2. Being able to run around the area where I live. This would have just caused me endless hassle in Calabar.
3. The British Village. This is so good it deserves a second mention.
4. Access to coffee. I had my first latte in 6 months the other day. It was worth waiting for and it was even worth spending almost a day’s allowance on.
5. Having somewhere we can go for beer directly outside where we live.
6. Living in a compound that isn’t full of weird horrible men who flog people outside my window, constantly bug me for money, and turn off my water and electricity supply.
7. Having housemates. Having lived on my own for almost 5 years I didn’t think this would be something that I would find so comforting, but right now I am definitely happier that there are other people living in the same place as me.
8. Being able to have a cold glass of wine. Well, wine might be a stretch of the imagination. Vinegar would probably be a better description. But it beats not having wine at all.
9. Finding a café that sells macaroni cheese. It costs 2 days allowance, so will have to be saved for a special treat. But I at least know it’s there!
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