Thirteen steps

Trying to leave Nigeria is a complete nightmare. Forget all of the visa issues (that would be a separate blog entry in itself), the departure process at Abuja airport is like nothing I have ever experienced before (much like most things in this country!) The following is a summary of the steps you need to go through:

1. Arrive at the airport and show your passport to people outside the main departure lounge for British Airways flights
2. Go through a scan machine (with all your hold and hand luggage)
3. Go to see the lady with the scales and have your bag(s) weighed
4. Take the ticket you are given with the weight of your luggage and walk across to the people in uniform and have your hold luggage searched (and show your passport again)
5. Go to the person sitting at the desk before the check-in desks and show them your passport
6. Go to the check-in desk
7. Go to the immigration desk and give them the form you have previously completed and have your passport checked
8. Go to the foreign currency declaration desk and given them the second form that you have completed
9. Go upstairs and go through security with all your hand luggage (including a full body scanner)
10. Go to the next person sat waiting who wants to check your passport and boarding pass
11. Go to the next person sat waiting who wants to check your boarding pass and tears off the main part, giving you the stub
12. Go through to the final departure lounge and have your hand luggage checked at Desk 1
13. Walk 4 metres further into the room and have your hand luggage checked all over again at Desk 2

Thirteen steps. In addition to this, the two times I have flown out of Abuja I have been stopped numerous times by random police/immigration/army men who want to check my passport and ask me what my mission is in Nigeria, how long I am staying for, where I am flying to, and the list goes on. The world’s most complicated departure process?

I know that they need to be careful, Nigeria hasn’t exactly had the best few months in terms of security, but when it comes to having your hand luggage checked for the fifth time, you do start to wonder if it’s actually serving any purpose.

A whole load of rubbish...

The other day I had to travel to a neighbouring state for work. I was very proud of getting there and back on public transport all by myself. Coming from someone who was terrified of the tube before coming here, that’s quite an achievement! The return journey brought a whole new experience to my Nigerian time so far. To set the scene, I was sat on a very full, very old bus. It was very very hot. I had lost the ability to work out if I was covered in my own sweat or the sweat of the passengers around me. It was so dusty that I wasn’t convinced I would ever be able to remove my contact lenses again. It had been a long day, and I was thirsty but couldn’t drink because I knew it would be a while before I reached anywhere where I could go to the toilet. The point is, I was feeling a little jaded and fed up. We got to one of the checkpoints on the way back to Abuja, and the driver of the bus stupidly decided to jump the queue. I’ve mentioned my dislike of these checkpoints before. It has now quadrupled. The soldier came over waving his gun around and shouted that we all needed to get off the bus. Once we were off the bus stood on the side of the road in the blazing heat he started shouting that we all needed to pick up rubbish. To say I was confused at this point would be an understatement. After asking one of the other passengers, she said it was our “punishment” for the driver jumping the queue. So for 20 minutes, whilst the soldier stood with his gun watching us, we had to pick up rubbish from the side of the road. With our bare hands. This sent my OCD into overdrive. After this fun experience ended, we were permitted to board the bus again. And on moving 10 metres down the road to the next soldier, he then started shouting that we would be picking up rubbish all the way to Abuja so we should get down again and pick up where we left off. He then said to us “which one of you did something wrong?” When I realised that he didn’t even have any idea what had happened, or why we had been made to pick up rubbish, I lost the plot. It’s not normally my policy to answer back to a man carrying a big gun, but I guess the heat and everything else just pushed me slightly over the edge. I started to get up and asked him if he could excuse me and move from blocking the door so I could get out of the bus, as I wanted to flag down another bus. He said no, so I said if he didn’t mind, I would just call my employer and he could explain to them why I would be late back, and why he was detaining me on the side of the road collecting rubbish when A. He didn’t even know what anyone was meant to have done wrong and B. It had been the driver’s error. I also asked if he was going to make us move more rubbish, if he could at least provide a bin, because whilst I don’t really enjoy standing on the side of a very busy, very dirty, and very dusty road in mid-30 degree heating picking up rubbish, I particularly don’t enjoy standing on the side of a very busy, very dirty, and very dusty road in mid-30 degree heating picking up rubbish and just moving it from one place to another. If I’m going to be made to pick up rubbish, at least have a purpose to it and provide a place for the rubbish to be disposed of. After listening to the crazy white lady ranting for a while, he decided he’d had enough, and waved us through. I know it was stupid to argue with him, but this isn’t my first run in with authorities here where they have used their position to humiliate people and the blatant abuse of power drives me crazy. They weren’t even doing what they were meant to be doing, I saw little attempt to check vehicles for bombs. I was explaining what had happened to my friend when I got back to Abuja, and he was saying how he’d seen them make people do much worse before. He also said that on a recent journey he had made on a bus run by a private transport company there had been a lot of government officials. For various reasons they encountered checkpoints during the journey where they would ordinarily have had to be subjected to delays. But one flash of these government officials ID cards and they were waved right on through, whilst presumably people on public buses had to sit and wait. I’d like to see them try and make some of the government officials disembark the bus at the side of the road and collect rubbish.